You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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