i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
