Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
