You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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