Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
