i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
