I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
