I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize