Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
