who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
