I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize