I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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