I puked a lego.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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