he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
