Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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