I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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