everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
