I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize