What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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