i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
