Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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