The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
should my penis look like a turkey
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
