Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
