Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
