Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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