so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
