I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
