You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Randomize
