Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
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