people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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