I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
