Three words: puerto rican gang bang
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
