And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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