While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
