Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
