that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
