Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
