I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Randomize
