I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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