Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
