made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
