I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We had sex on a dog bed..
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
