I'm going to rape someone's good day.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
