My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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