I wish I could teleport
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
