but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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