Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
