Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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