Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
