I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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