So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
