is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
