This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you didnt know i had herpes?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize