Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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