Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
