I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
