Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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