I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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