I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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