drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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