Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
