What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
