Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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