I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
