your room smells of hookers.
And success
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
