my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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