Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
