so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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