I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just pee around me
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
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