It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize