We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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