is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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