1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
