Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
