You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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