Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize