capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
