I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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