i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
