i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
