i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
