Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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