I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
