I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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