So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
he quoted the bible to break up with me
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
