when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize