Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
