she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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